Friday, September 03, 2004

There's always room for Jello.
glisten: Drunkard #2

3. Bob Curlee & Rick Carpenter - "You Can't Get Drunk If You Don't Drink"

Jowey - Very uplifting. Could be a theme song for D.A.R.E program, but it's a bit too religious The Daniel in the Lion's Den seemed to come out of nowhere, but it gets the point across. I do find it strange that it follows Pedro the Lion, who is actually a band that's been labeled as "christian" by a few parties.

Mark - Ok, so these guys are trying to teach me a lesson about not drinking? This is not the shit I want to hear. I don't need some christian hippies singing about being happy fucking teatotalers. I'm sure they have a song about wearing seatbelts, and not touching hot pot handles, and how you can't make babies in the butt. These types of people drive me crazy. I should smash a bottle over Rick Carpenter's head.

Illovich - It's funny, I thought this sounded like something from 365 days, and I checked. I was right! I often feel confused listening to music like this-- on one hand I sort of like the friendly well meaning message and the pleasant folksy melodies and harmonies. On the other hand, get the fuck back in your lousy church, you weirdo creeps!

Brooks - Truer words have never been spoken. This is an anti-drinking song - probably put out by some kind of church group. It's actually pretty listenable.

The argument this song puts forth is accurate; inaction leads to lack of experience.

What the hell is a "dopey riot" and why does it sound like so much fun?

Download the complete track (scroll down to August 31), with skit, from Ubuweb's site for O. Fodder's 365 Days project.

I've spared you a lot of bad acting and sanctimonious preachifying but at least you'll understand what Daniel and the Lion have to do with this nonsense.

It took Katyana pointing out to me that "Otis Fodder" (read aloud: "oats is fodder" was likely a pseudonym. I'm such a putz.
"God wants to see some Drunk Christians!"
"Nun Faces Jail for Drunk Tractor Driving"
Color Daniel in the lion's den.


4. Dead Kennedys - "Too Drunk to Fuck"

Jowey - Raucous energy of an Elvis Costello track...Jello Biafra is great at writing catchy hooks, and this is one of my favorite by them. Not the kind of thing you'd like your mom to hear. I can dig any bad that gets political...love the David Lynch reference; that baby drove me INSANE.

Mark - Classic. This is a nice piece of advice for when you're still warming up, so it gets points for placement. Like a mantra "don't get too drunk to fuck" over and over again. No one wants to be stuck on the business end of whiskey dick, so Jello and the boys are worth listening to here.

Illovich - This song has always been a pick me up for me, but not when I'm drinking--mostly when I'm feeling superior to the dirty white hat crowd (which is pretty much always... wait...no...yes, it's always). I sometimes try to imagine the protagonist, and debate internally whether he actually has a partner looking to fuck his drunk ass, or if he simply believes that someone want him. "And now I got diarrhea/too drunk to fuck!" Pure genius.

Mostly unrelated opinion: Jello Biafra has totally been fucked over by his former band mates, mostly for the crime of actually trying to keep a backbone about his principles. I still can not believe that he lost all rights to their creative work to those 3 sellouts. If there was any justice, those three would lose their rights to the DKs output, and be forced to work shit jobs the rest of their lives, and Jello would be made Secretary of State with a fabulous paycheck.

Brooks - I was a big Dead Kennedys fan in junior high school. I think a lot of the socio-political stuff was way over my head, but songs like this one were pretty funny. It's been years since I listened to this. I forgot about the line about the retainer. Classic.

Less a song and more an attitude. Perfect to pop into the pickup on the beer run.

Buy "Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death", the DK's de facto greatest hits album, direct from Manifesto records.

Before you do, make sure to take the time to click some of the above links and figure out exactly who's getting your money.
Visit the Jell-O Museum.
Download a 34 minute realaudio interview with Biafra, recorded earlier this year.

Great fun. "Jello, you LOVE Canadian Rock, don't you; you LOOOOOVE Canadian Rock!" Here's hoping that those Coup or Del the Funkee Homosapien projects actually happen.
Read more about Jello's political stance.
"Remember: only beat Annoying Drunks."


(Here's a conversation that me and Robot Mark struck up tonight via email. Mark's in italics.)

So they took your picture for Rolling Stone? That's awesome. They're taking Perpetua's for the SPIN article. He was pretty upset about it, which is pretty funny. Ah the troubles of minor celebrity.

See, this gives you a sense of my egomania: I'm pissed that I didn't KNOW there was a Spin article. I put so damn much time and effort into this thing that I sorta wanna be near the top of everybody's "TO CALL" list when they make the rounds. Yeah, I know; I'm a dick but I figure what the hell. Squeaky mouse gets the cheese, right?

I'm reminded of when electronic music started gaining in popularity in the early nineties and there was a buncha people suggesting that the anonymity of the artists would signal a new trend in egoless music... music for music's sake instead of fame. Well THAT didn't happen right? So if Matt is our Moby, I just want a shot at being Aphex, ya know? Or maybe Prodigy. This metaphor isn't working.

Lord knows _I'm_ hardly hella telegenic. Sure do hope they photoshopped out my ample acne and superfluous third nostril for the Stone. I'm willing to bet the photo is gonna be roughly the size of your thumb anyway. Or bumped to make more room for Nicole Ritchie. Did I ever give you a Nelson-style"HAaaaHAaaa" for the Le Tigre in the background on your NYTimes face time?

Crikey ma, we's music geeks; we're unlikely to be on the cover of Playgirl next week. Such is the way; we got the taste and somebody else gets the corrugated abs and all's right in the world.

I'm with you. I get pissed when I hear there's a (potential) article in Newsweek and I'm not asked about it. It's lame. It's totally selfish though, as I'm really just trying to network and get as many contacts in the music industry. Another problem is that I always tell these reporters the names of our other contributers and it's never included. Frustrating at best, especially since I'm only one of 10 people and not nearly the strongest.

You're beautiful, Mark. But I gotta say, I routinely love almost all of what Blair posts. Brother is on point.

Have you found a way to turn this media exposure into dollars yet? I've been told by folks in the industry that we've made enough ripples that important people are noticing us, and that we should easily be able to get jobs at record labels/promotion companies whether it's marketing or A&R or whatever. My personal experience hasn't held that up though, as I'm having trouble squeezing my tiny foot in the door. Although I think the panelist gig at CMJ will probably help grease some wheels. We'll have to wait and see right? I think it would be easier if I just wanted to be a rock journalist or something (which I guess some people see us as), but I really don't. Freelancing pieces about the next big thing is not my cup of tea.

No, I'm actually annoyed about how NO ONE is offering paying gigs of ANY sort. I've been all but begging to sell out online and no one is biting.

Everything I hear about being a freelance writer suggests to me that it's like being unemployed, only somebody is always gonna owe you money. Not too appealing. Optimally, I'd love to have a label hire me to blog their catalog exclusively. As long as I retain the right to make my own picks and they didn't feel the need to dictate TOO much of my style, I'd be completely down with that. It seems like it would make total sense from a label's perspective; for pennies on the dollar for what they pay consultants, we could mercilessly hype their back catalog and provide them with a new audience for old tunes that aren't really doing anything for them financially anyway. We could be a focus group for a new method of selling music and we've already got an infrastructure and an audience set up. We built it, but they have not come. It's a total no-brainer as far as I can see. Maybe soon? I'm hopin'.

I've thought about blogging a back catalogue for a label. I think that would be amazing, as long as we don't have to post singles or whatever. I'd be up for just about anything though -- assistant to music supervisor, A&R bootlicker, promotional lapdog. You name it. As long as I can still eat I'm down.

You and me both, man. But son, if I could EAT off this blog? I'd cry tears of joy like a freed man. Make it happen, God! Or Blue Note. Whichever.

In other news, I just got my record collection shipped to me from Boston. The wonderful David Day at Forced Exposure went to my old apartment, picked up my records, boxed them up and shipped them to me. All out of the goodness of his heart. Never even met the guy. But what this means is that I'll be on a tear these next few weeks, as about 400 of my finest records just plopped in my lap, including most of my funk 45s. There's still 1/3 of my collection out of my hands at a friend's house. But someday I'll have a fully restored collection, which will be nice. As it stands, I'll have my hands full for awhile. Look for "Ooh the Dragon part 1" by Marvin Holmes & the Uptights tomorrow.

Don't know if I ever told you this, but my father makes part of his living on the side by selling rare records... I have access to THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of ultra esoteric 78's, 45's, LP's and cassettes but I've never had the money to buy a turntable and a soundsystem. If I ever become a grownup (or if posting issues turn the current methodology into a legal boondoggle) I'm gonna go in debt and get the equipment and start ripping some SERIOUS and uncopyrighted rarities (lotsa bluegrass, afropop, gospel, blues and jazz especially) and play the soulsides game. When I win the lottery or someone decides to play good fairy, I guess.

You gonna be at CMJ? If not I'm sure I'll get some post-party invites and we can meet up at some point. I'll be in NYC the weekend of October 15th, doing the CMJ thing and visiting with robots Blair, JP and Anders. I'm sure we can figure something out.

CMJ,eh? Never even occurred to me. Nice to hear that they asked you to do some panel work but now I'm goin' WHAT ABOUT ME! You think I could flex some influence and try to get a blogga in on that? Whatever, get me on the list and I'm there. I'm a total list whore. And I'd love to meet up with the other robots.

CMJ, holla if you hear me! I'm here, I'm bloggin', I'm used to it!
WAXY lights the road to another sound on the net manifesto at Idle Words.

Populist NPR's are going to require collapsible URL's but this guy is making some interesting points and quite a few of them should apply to ALL of us.
You sonsabitches got away without having to speak up on TALKATIVE THURSDAY so get talking on a freaky friday! Let's hear it.