THE TOFU HUT

men have named you

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glisten: The Return of the deadly D. Bo

David Boyle - DaVinci's Ho

Imagine my surprise when our prodigal son and once and future king David Boyle dropped a line to let me know he was getting back into business. Somewhat edited communique follows:

How are you? Have been very busy myself, sorry; but here it is, my new single. You can find the lyrics online at my website. The song itself is based on the 1978 hit 'Get Off' by Foxy.

Despite any (un)intentional vocal styling resemblances to Jerry Lewis, I really think that you can't fault the idea, lyrics or backing track. And who could argue with the rap portion... "Lindsay Locust", indeed! I'm also kind of proud of "Dan Brown, D.Bro made so much Ludacris dough / He proud he got Da Vinci's Ho in every area code, like a pimp-o". You can consider this to be a quasi-sequel to "Rapping of the Christ", if you will.

David also made the point that he'd like to see if the market could handle a D.Bo. single or possibly even a disc. How about it, folks? Anybody interested in ponying up a few sheckels? Drop the D. Bo. a line at his website and let him know.

tell me more about it...

Visit David's site for audio and video for the inimitable 'George W. Pussy' and much more.
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Read this article on 'George W. Pussy' from The Boston Phoenix.
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Check out a few of David's past appearances

Explore the finer points of D. Bo's political stance over at his political blog.

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blah blah pop singles blah blah

I've gotten myself into the position of doing occasional scritchity-scratching for Stylus; mostly to keep me plugged into what's what on the worldwidepop airwaves. Here's a recent dose of weekly snarkiness, along with youtube links where you can see the video and make up your own mind.

Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland - Promiscuous Girl
'Promiscuous Girl' is promising enough at first; the hook and the drums are engaging and obsessive, but that chorus is SO CLUNKY it scuttles the song entirely. There's none of the payoff that I expect from a Timbaland track; it just gets boring, awkward and weak. If I didn't know better, I'd have pegged this as one of Will.I.Am's bland-ass beats. On the plus side, a newly bulked up Timbo seems to have put some muscle to his flow too; generally the weakest part of his own songs, Tim now sounds a dead ringer for Bubba Sparxxx. Speaking of soundalikes, ambition is rarely so bald as Nelly makes it here; as hard as Furtado is biting her style, Gwen Stefani should be getting royalties. 'Promiscuous Girl' sounds like half a song to me; more's the pity that it's poised to become this year's 'My Humps'. I really hope Tim's comes with more in the tank next time.

Sandi Thom - I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair)
Proving yet again that I'll bite hard on any hook that packs a pretty voice, tambourines, foot stomps and hand claps; I regret to inform that I actually like this lamentable bit of misguided, vapid nonsense. This is not to say that I'm unaware that you could go mad picking out all the inaccuracies, fallacies and out-and-out bullshit from betwixt the teeth of the "impressionistic" lyrics. This is not to say that I think that this internet wunderkind's aughties 'For Dummies' rendition of 'We Didn't Start the Fire' has serious staying power. This is not to justify the existance of the most empty-headed "don't it make ya think?" folk anthem since 'Ironic'. But the pretty voice! The tambourine! THOSE HAND CLAPS!
Maybe if we get her a ghostwriter?

Cassie - Me & You
Cassie is Bad Boy's entry into the race for the next Ciara and her first single, a minimalist pop come-on masquerading as bubble-crunk, makes a reasonable case that there may be room for another princess at the top of the game. Cassie opts for a coy purr rather that showcasing any range or virtuosity, but that seems appropriate on a song as stripped down as 'Me & You'. Its innocuous, its got good bass and its absurdly simple hook doesn't get tired. At the same time, there's not much that sets this apart from the crowd; the whiff of plastic and lack of personality makes 'Me & You' less of a piece of art and more of an ad for the second single. Anyways, it's hardly fair to blame hamburger for not tasting like steak; this zipless fuck of a song is short, sweet, unmemorable, appetizing and tailor-made for the Summer. Be on the lookout for it booming from the back of a jeep near you before the end of the month.

Prince - Fury
3121 has been one of the nicest surprises of 2006; a solid album from an icon who had lately seemed to have tired of making music. Though nothing else on 3121 is nearly as good as Prince's leadoff single, 'Black Sweat,' there are still another couple of "at his best" cuts: the mid-80's throwback title track '3121', the silly-but-fun 'Lolita' and 'Incense and Candles,' a slinky, vocoder-heavy quiet-storm ballad that would've been a more natural follow up to 'Sweat'. The rest of the album vascillates between corny, disposible and mediocre with flashes of brilliance; it's this last that best describes 'Fury'. A little bit Vegas and a little bit rock and roll, 'Fury' takes a simple theme and whips it into a froth of excellent but aimless guitar solos and overzealous kickline synths. It's too ungainly and dense a song to quite take flight, but there are undeniable moments; when Prince segues into the chorus with a growling squeal of "Who's the guilty one / When there ain't no judge or jury", you'd swear he was twenty again. It's not quite a hit, but 'Fury' is done with such mastery and ease that you can't help but be impressed... even if you're not much interested.

Silvia Nott - Congratulations
Nott is the Bizarro-Bjork: a self-obsessed, uninhibited, nutty Icelandic nymph with a closet full of oddball costumes; but utterly lacking in gravitas and depth. And did I mention that she doesn't even really exist? 'Congratulations,' Iceland's maligned entry into Eurovision, isn't much more than a little girl singing 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' in front of the closet mirror with a Magic Mike, so OF COURSE it's kinda great. Less interesting is the tongue-in-cheek Velveeta production, the blatant judge pandering and the lack of a hook. Actually, there's the question of a lack of a SONG; still, how many tracks can boast a moment when the singer calls God on the telephone in a Betty Boop voice to declare that she's "saving the world"? 'Congratulations' wants to be enjoyed ironically, which means it's great for the first three listens. Past that, you're on your own.

Labels: david boyle, music, stylus

our man in the field
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David Boyle - "Eminem's Ambience"

Back about two months ago, the Hut recieved this communique from our resident musical parodist and all-around lovable oddball David Boyle that read as follows:

Dear Tofu:
How are you? I am worried at not having seen you post for weeks. And just when I finally have been able to drag myself back into the studio (!!! --yesterday, and may finish it up on Tuesday) to do my new song, "Eminem's Ambience", which deals with his drug problem, tour cancellation, aunt and uncle suing him, Mariah Carey booing him, truck driver and wife suing him for tour bus sideswipe, etc. ...It may even use "White Lines" the way "George W. Pussy" used "Super Freak"!!!
But seriously, I am concerned. I apologize again for not having produced much the past couple months. But I may have a "new source of funding" to let me even cut recordings in the first place, not to mention the ""inspirational"" tale of Eminem's downfall. (You remember how I've dissed little homie in the pages of Hut, right?)
Bring back the Hut!!! !! ! !! !!! !!!!!!!
Let me know if there's anything I can do, and hope you and yours are well,
Cordially as ever,
D(avid). Bo(yle)

That was followed by this:

"Nice to see the Hut afloat again online and to see that Katrina and the waves
have not sunk it (heh). Also glad to hear that Allen Toussaint is alright. I guess all the saints are preserving him, as per his name. Thank goodness for Fats Domino, too. Anyway, for the first time in 8 months or so, I have finished recording a
song, maybe my longest ever. It's called "Eminem's Ambience",riffing mostly off "White Lines" but also "The Message" to deliver a highly critical yet also concerned message to Eminem re his drug addiction and also his problem of abusing people close to him and being a poor role model. I hope to see it up on the Hut, if you are so gracious as to put it up. (For extra topicality, there's a plea inside for Eminem to donate something to the people of New Orleans.)
I've been concerned about you, as I haven't heard from you lately.
Have a nice Labor Day weekend, and hope to hear,
Cordially as ever,
D. Bo

Some lyrics of choice:

"Eminem you're a minimum not maximum, a drug-addicted mannequin
That Ambien did Eminem just like Vader did to Anakin
It's almost like some form of hideous divine punishment
Isaac sacrificed to Abraham like eminem to Ambien""

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spiffy

Those of you who share my obsession with Bone's black sheep Bizzy may want to give a listen to the man's new single from his recent release Speaking in Tongues (auto-load audio on page). He hasn't missed too many steps.
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It was really just a matter of time before a publicity firm started audioblogging. I can't hate the game so player, play on.
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"We wanted something that was real war - Smurfs losing arms, or a Smurf losing a head -but they said no."
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Econoculture is a new music/culture e-zine; current features include brief face time back and forth with Broken Social Scene's lead man Andrew Whiteman, Yoko Ono and Boots Riley (cannot WAIT for the new Coup album).
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Assacre is a one man noise/fantasy/rocker out of Austin, Texas with adrenaline and licks to spare.
There's at least a dozen songs up on the site and a link to get the new album if you're taken with them.
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The Oxygen Ponies are Paul. Paul has been known to tend bar where I wait tables. One night we almost got in a fight. Since then, we've had drinks together a few times. He's good people. Go check out his sad, folksy, demo track and then make him rich.
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Don't believe the hype.
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Lee Hartsfeld's Fields on Fire and Music You (Possibly) Won't Hear Anywhere Else audioblogs are roaring treats; the latter is on a wonderful Halloween music kick, the former focuses exclusively on white-performed gospel music and draws from acts as diverse as Little Marcy, Smith's Sacred Singer and Metropolitan Opera star Jerome Hines.
These are don't miss sites and should be on your regular crawl.
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As one of the first people to really stand by the idea that full-length tracks could HELP sell the album, when buttressed by "buy it here" links, I'm somewhat amused that a cottage industry has sprung up from the notion.
I'm going to hope that these guys aren't evil and sign up; if you're curious, you can too.
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Recommended for spiffy in the "TALK TO ME" section and I like it: Ugly Quilts for the Homeless.
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The Rubber Soul alt-rocker tribute album This Bird Has Flown is chockfulla some artists I enjoy including Ben Harper, Sufjan Stevens and Nellie McKay; might be worth a look and a listen (some audio on that link, if yer curious).
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EC Brown's Audioblog listing has gone through a pretty serious revamp and clean-up and bears another look; he is, after all, the don of this blog shit.
Makes me kinda want to do some housecleaning myself...
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I know three things: this is gonna suck and it's gonna sell like hotcakes and there will be much hue and cry about this being the death of western civilization.
Maybe this will help usher in a new generation of adult videogames (and by adult, I don't mean gratuitous nudity, drug use, violence and lots of saying 'fuck'; I mean stories an adult can appreciate) but, boy, do I doubt it.

Meanwhile, I'm hooked on Paper Mario and We Love Katamari and that's as adult as I care to get.

Those of you that DO like truly adult videogaming should hasten over to I Love Games, a wonderful new ILX board where we talk about all things gamey.
'Tain't your mommas videogame board.
And nobody uses 13375p34/<. - I pretty much had decided to go as a Music Pirate for Halloween this year (a bag with pieces of 8-track, a CDoubloon belt, an I-Patch, an ARRRRRRRIAA flag, etc.), but this is gonna be hard to pass up.
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Bill Gates and Steve Jobs slash fic?
Oh yeah. We got that.
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Sing a song of Shooby.
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Oh sure, casting Nick Cage in the lead is puzzling, but the very idea that Neil LafuckingBute is writing and directing the remake of the Wicker Man just addlepates my poor widdle mind.

Labels: clicky, david boyle, music

Custom FF figures courtesy the long defunct Paul's Page

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glisten: guest edition

The Tofu Hut Rolls DEEP, son.

We step up today with a super special, highly eclectic fantastic foursome: Chantelle Fiddy, Anthony Miccio, the Red Headed Stranger and David Boyle.

Make 'em feel welcome, ya'll.

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Chantelle gonna clean house, y'heard?

FIDDY SHOT YA

FORKSCLOVETOFU SEZ: Chantelle Fiddy is the Hut's overseas correspondent on the UK hiphop phenomenon that is grime.
She's fuckin' wicked. So is this track.
Visit her site for more pearls of wisdom.
NB: A version of this article appeared in i-D magazine, 2004.

D Double E - "Freestyle"

English language scholars looking for modern day inspiration need look no further than MC D Double E, the self professed Newham General and modern day reviver of poetry.

Despite not cutting the grades when at school, D Double E and his lyrics are cutting it now. His bars, which can at first glance or listen, imply irreverence or a level of distastefulness (come on this is grime), detail a prevalent street philosophy, one where false childhood conceptions on life and illusion-ridden lifestyles are played out.

“I don’t eat bangers and mash/but I roll in the banger with mash/and if you get moved I’ll be banging the mash/quicker than a flash/bang be gone in a flash”

But to date, in many ways, DEE has been a victim of his own success. On his home turf of Forest Gate, East London he’s a hero with cult status. Walking down the road kids point him out, shouting, “ooh, ooh, it’s me, me” like he needs a reminder of his classical lyric. It’s these supposed gimmick lyrics that bring raves to a standstill, fans nearing hyperventilation, that have overshadowed his underlying talents and led to many people viewing him as little more than a novelty act.

“I just did it one day, made my voice echo on the mic and it stuck. I’ll walk into a dance in Manchester, Birmingham wherever and I all can hear is ‘ooh, ooh.’ It’s a big feeling trust me. But it’s very serious, you have to listen, I mean, I was ahead of my time, I’m doing lyrics still now that I wrote at 15.”

For DEE, it seems people are finally opening their ears. Having battled his way for the last ten years, from jungle through to (what he calls) ‘gayrage’ and now grime, it’s since parting with N.A.S.T.Y. Crew last year, alongside his co-d’s Footsie and Monkey. that his authority within the scene has become uncontestable.

“The way of getting light now (as an MC) is clashing. It’s like a cheat,” murmurs D Double E, shaking his head. “Thirty MC’s on a set, its going to be good right, but what can you do on your own? I know what I can do, I was on radio when these (yoots) were all locked in their yards on curfew.”

As his verbals and stature have grown in appeal, so it seems have his strides into mainstream territory. The only MC to have appeared on a Dizzee Rascal release (despite it not making the Showtime album, like why?) recognition away from the traditional territories is coming.

“We just did a PA at Homelands and boy, I felt like I was no one. I didn’t get that vibe like when I do a rave and everyone’s watching me. Those crowds are different, but they listen hard and the deep eruptions I heard when the music stopped must mean they heard it properly, the reality, right?”

Let buzz be the judge.

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BURNT POPTARTS

FORKSCLOVETOFU SEZ: Anthony Miccio is a poprocka and th' Hut's expert on all things big, radio-friendly and glistening that might otherwise escape our more rockist readers earholes.
Anthony dispenses wisdom and choice bon mots at Anthony is Right.
I'm somewhat surprised to note that these tracks, if a bit innocuous and hardly innovative, ARE actually fun and not at all bad listens! Tickle me pink! Or maybe just a stripe down the middle.

Kelly Osbourne - "Contradiction"

Kelly Osbourne - "Come Dig Me Out"

While watching the brouhaha following Ashlee Simpson's public flubs, I could only think of two things: poor girl and glad this never happened to Kelly Osbourne.

Ok, it never would have happened to Kelly anyway cuz she'd tell the planet to collectively blow itself, but I would have been even angrier that hypocrites and couchwarmers respond to a teenager's slightly-less-than-professional half-time special (usually the artistic highlight of your night, I know) with scorn rather than indifference since Kelly is responsible for one of the best pop-rock albums in recent years.

Osbourne and collaborators Ric Wake (Celine Dion associate) and Powerpack (who knows) may not have any right to make trashy, insightful glam-punk but they did a tremendous job with "Shut Up!" and we're just gonna have to deal. Osbourne says she wrote almost all the lyrics and frankly I'm inclined to believe her, as Sharon's shrewd confidence and Ozzy's ability to pen naked confessions of mental anguish are united here.

I have to go back to Sleater-Kinney's early releases to think of a similar cathartic mix of command and frustration. I'd feel that way even if she didn't name her best track "Come Dig Me Out." The sound is more Donnas and the cred is more Ashlee, but the spirit is pure S-K (minus the self-stifling indie guilt).

Her new single in the UK is co-written by Linda Perry and inspired by Kraftwerk and Nostradamus. Intriguing.

Buy "Shut Up!", Kelly's '02 debut album, from Amazon.

Buyer beware: Shut Up! was re-released as Changes in 2003, with the only additions being a few live tracks and a horrific duet with Papa on the titular Sabbath cover.
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Visit Kelly's official site.
It's in stasis right now but information about her new album on Sanctuary Records, her critically acclaimed TV show Life As We Know It and her new clothing line (Stiletto Killers) is forthcoming.
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"I like smelly, ugly boys. They need the really cute "I haven't showered in a week but I really have, I meant to look like this" look. You know what I mean?"
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The Young Conservatives offer a differing viewpoint.

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TALES FROM THE RED-HEADED STRANGER

FORKSCLOVETOFU SEZ: The Red Headed Stranger is the nom de plume of the Hut's country music scholar. He's just getting started.
Incidentally, he was so pissed that someone would presume that he was a "literary device" that he shot up my mailbox.
God bless his heart. He's a little cranky.

The last time I was on the Tofu Hut, I offered a song ("Traveling Soldier") from singer/songwriter Bruce Robison. Here's one more:

Bruce Robison - "Can't Get There From Here"

"Can't Get There From Here" carries none of the cultural baggage of "Traveling Soldier", except perhaps in the way it expresses a peculiarly Texan kind of ennui. It's about the way sadness and frustration can roll across the vast, flat land and leave you wondering if there's another person within hundreds of miles who could understand how you feel. It's about wanting to change your life, but not having the time, energy or direction to make it happen. The singer can't even quite complete the joke he's trying to tell you: "You heard the one about the farmer's daughter?/She just needs a little atmosphere."

"Can't Get There" is from Robison's best and most recent album, 2001's "Country Sunshine". Robison's co-writer on the song is Nashville's wonderful Allison Moorer (more on her at a later date), but "Can't Get There" is suffused with his personality – it may be as much Moorer's as his, but her own version (on her Miss Fortune album) winds up sounding like a cover. Such is the infectious power of melancholy.

Buy "Country Sunshine", direct from Robison's Boar's Nest Records label.

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our man in the field

FORKSCLOVETOFU SEZ: David Boyle is the ODB of the Hut's Wu-Tang squadron.
He's nuts and I love him; the songs are really only getting better, in my opinion.
David's stuff is crunk as fuck, totally DIY and heartfelt. I wish more people were doing what he was.
More of David's political commentary and music can be found at his website D-Bo.com.
Again, standard political disclaimer: Please note that while the Tofu Hut does not necessarily agree with all of David Boyle's politics, we are enamoured with his exuberance and almost irrationally crafted leaps of sonic (il)logic.
But I can't imagine that Lydon would argue with the sentiment.
This is D-Block, mighty mighty D-Block:

David Boyle - "God Save the Queen 2005" (Prince Harry Remix)

Dear Frodofu:

I have just finished recording my new song. Feel free to offer it on your site or you can direct interested parties to where I'm hosting it along with the complete lyric list.

I enjoyed the chance to mash "God Save the Queen", "Holidays in the Sun" and "Anarchy in the UK". NO THANKS to "Heil Harry," that wicked Buckingham brat; even if his swastika stunt did inspire the song.

If nothing else, you've got to hear it for the "Hava Nagilah" part at the end.

Here are some of the words:

"Heil Harry? / You thought Belsen was a gas? / Time to visit Auschwitz my lad? / Tsunami of insensitivity? / A cheap holiday in other people's misery?/ Adolf Hitler ist ein Londoner?

Don't be told what you want / Don't be told by the BBC. / There's no future / there's no culture / there's just a swastika for you!

Oh God save history / your colonial parade / Oh Lord God have mercy / all crimes are paid.

When there's no future/ how can there be sin / we're the black natives / in your Belmarsh prison / we're the poison / in your Windsor machine / we're the future! / Your dark future!

Oi! Down with the Nazis! (clap) and monarchy too! (clap) Britain's head of state (clap) should be black or a Jew!!! (clap) Long live Israel!"

In other news, I see that Linkin Park and maybe some others have set up a
relief organization, Music For Relief, for the tsunami victims in Southeast
Asia, at Music for Relief. I have donated $5 myself to the American Red Cross International Response Fund which is where the Music For Relief money goes; it ain't much, but if 300 million Americans all donated $5 that would be $1.5 billion...

Hope all is well in tofu town,
Cordially,
D. Bo
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Labels: Anthony Miccio, Chantelle Fiddy, david boyle, music, Red Headed Stranger